Pain – A Tool for Growth

By Vered (Tanmayo) Neta

A few months ago I had a miscarriage.

As the doctors preferred it to be the natural way I had to look at pain (physical and emotional) straight in the eye.

With each contraction, pain took over my whole body for a few seconds.
Once this wave was over a wave of emotional pain took its place.

When we experience pain we tend to try and suppress or deny it in many ways.

My ‘favorite’ way is to become very, very busy, so I don’t have time to deal with “that” issue.

But this time the pain was so strong; I just could not ignore it.
The pain was there and was not leaving me until I face it.

One of the reasons we don’t like pain is that it forces us to look at issues we normally refuse to look at.

What I had to look at was my need to be “so important – doing something”.

When I realized that, I could drop this ‘act’ and allow myself to relax with what was going on with me and let go of my need to control ‘it’.

I gave myself a break and surrendered into the pain.
What I discovered was that when I let go it is never the same pain.

It changes.

It had different colors and it came in different shapes and sizes.
There were even moments I felt the pain as if it was in a different body, not mine.

After this experience I changed my automatic reactions and transformed my attitude and behavior concerning pain in my life.

I realized that pain can be a great source of learning and therefore can become my friend.

Pain is like a big wave in the sea.
You stand there in the water and in front of you rises this blue-green mountain that moves in enormous speed towards you.

This is how we experience pain, like a big, cold wave that rises inside our body.

When you stand there, facing a big, cold wave of pain you have a few alternatives:

You can dive under the wave and let is pass over you, without feeling it and without moving from your place.
This is what we do when we take all those painkillers (from tablets to alcohol, drugs, over-eating, busyness, television, etc…)

You can face the wave; thinking that you are strong enough to win it.
That’s when you fall over (depression) or even being crushed (mental illness).

You can become paralyzed.
We call it, state of shock.
You can catch the wave and ride it, using its immense energy and power to take you faster and further away from where you were before.
In this case you let go of control and at the same time master the situation.
You feel power, speed and excitement of living in the now and on the edge.
With it comes the risk of falling down to the bottom, that without it, it would not be so much fun.

Pain has so much power in it that we can either use it in order to move quickly with a lot of energy and excitement to a new place.
Or we can look at it as a monster and live under its shadow scared to experience its presence again.

In my training programs I have seen so many people transform their life almost instantaneously when they were willing to face their pain and feel it totally, thus ‘riding’ it.
They got to the point of “enough is enough” and were willing to let go of the old ideas and beliefs that created their pain.

Of course, there were also those who were not willing to do it.
They either kept their old ways of avoidance or became victims of their own pain.

Will you be courageous enough to ride the wave of pain when it appears in your life?

About The Author
Vered (Tanmayo) Neta, trainer, coach and lecturer, specializes in relationships and women issues.
To learn more about her workshop, Art of Relating

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